My Incidental Baby.
I learnt that I was pregnant during my 2.2. The signs started showing during my 2.1 which was around December. At the time I was ignorant and naïve, it didn’t even occur to me to take a pregnancy test. I just couldn’t comprehend it, despite having unprotected sex. I started having this frequent stomach pains and every time I dismissed it, ‘’ah it’s just normal it will pass. ‘’ Then I started experiencing constipation so I went to see a doctor. He did the whole shabam advise, you know, eat lots of fruits, drink lots of water and he gave me some pills.
This whole time it never occurred to me to take a pregnancy test. My periods are irregular so missing them was a normal thing. “zitakuja tu,’’ I would convince myself and sail through life. Then one day during class I had sharp stomach pain the pain that comes when someone is about to diarrhoea. I excused myself but before I could reach the washrooms, everything went blurry and I almost collapsed, but luckily there were some students outside, one girl approached me and offered me a sit. I sat and after a few minutes, I was okay. I went back to class and then afterwards told my best friend how I was feeling. She took me to the school clinic. I don’t know if I left out some of the symptoms but they never tested me for pregnancy, so they gave me yet some other pills and I went home thinking that I was okay and it was just my own paranoia.
I did my exams and went home nothing seemed unusual. School re-opened and that’s when noticeable changes started. My friends would comment about my weight gain and my increased stomach size and I would joke and respond, ‘’haija! hujui ni kamtu kako hapo ndani’’ little did I know. I had not told my partner what was going on with me. After too many comments from people, my rapid weight gain and constant exhaustion I finally caved in and decided to take a test. Every time I would decide to go to buy a pregnancy kit I was like ‘’what will these people think of me, No way!”
while still at home, I got sick and had to go to the hospital, and remember I still hadn’t confirmed that I was pregnant but it was so clear because by then the baby bump was protruding, I think it was around four months. I think I was in a state of denial; no one knew. The doctor did some tests and there it was confirmed. I was not shocked, I had my suspicions, I was just scared to confirm it. I went home but never told my mom; I was terrified of her reaction.
I called my boyfriend; he didn’t believe it he thought that I was joking. All through the pregnancy, he didn’t believe me. It really got me confused, I would cry a lot I even thought of aborting it. One day I got some cash I had saved up for emergencies, I went to Marie stopes, I had really set my mind to it but then before I could do it, I talked with the doctor and she advised me to be absolutely sure before I did it. That’s when I decided to open up to my mum. It was on a Monday I was supposed to go confirm an attachment I was to get, I didn’t go. I did circles outside her bedroom door for like an hour, then I decided to take the subtle way. I went to my room wrote a letter, gave it to her and went back to my room to wait for my judgement.
She got ready, went to work and didn’t say a word to me the whole day. This was sheer torment. The next day, finally, she called me for the talk. She was so angry and disappointed in me. I just sat there and cried. The one thing I’m grateful for is that she expressed these feelings calmly. I had let her down but she didn’t scold me and despite the hurt, she promised to support me through it all. Talking to her calmed me down but I still hadn’t talked to my dad and never did till after a week and had left home for my attachment. Thank God for mother’s she’d already warmed up the seat for me.
My Dad also amazed me he was so supportive. He told me that since it had already happened, we couldn’t live in the past we just have to accept it and move forward. When I told my brother he also didn’t believe it at first too. I told my friends from school who confessed that they had their suspicions, they were my lifeline, used to check up on me and even helped me find Baby’s name. My second mother also held my hand, throughout the pregnancy I confided in her for almost everthing.
All I can say is I didn’t have any trouble during my pregnancy, no mood swings no big cravings. I was occasionally a bit blue when the baby was kicking and playing and I was alone to experience it. I would sometimes talk to her and tell her to calm down that all will be okay and that we are all waiting for her.
The hardest part about being pregnant was the looks people used to give me. You could see it in their faces. You could tell that they were judging me simply because I am young, tiny and look like a kid and then my bump. am pregnant so I really didn’t like being around people. I avoided these judgy faces at all cost.
However, I still had to wake up every day and report to work which turned out to be great. my friends planned a surprise baby shower, it was the best gift. It was empowering having all those ladies supporting me, and I’ll always be grateful.
When it was a month before the due date I went for a scan and found out that it was a baby girl. I was delighted! As the d- day came near I was scared of the pain, what to do (if I should google directions), uh, it was overwhelming. The due date came and went, and the baby decided to come a week after. The pain started like cramps at 5 pm, I waited till 4 am, and decided that was the time to go to the hospital.
The delivery was a smooth one I didn’t face any difficulties. After having her, I had sworn to never get pregnant again but then as I have watched her grow that fear of being a mum again has disappeared. It has been such an amazing journey; I have learnt a lot even though my mother keeps correcting me all the time. I appreciate it though because that is how I learn to be the best mom to Chloe.
Every day I look at her am appreciative for the decision I made. Even though I constantly question myself. I hope that she will grow up to be proud of me as her mom. I am forever gratified to God for this far and for my parents. I don’t know what I would have done without them since the baby daddy vanished.
People hardly believe when I say I say I´m a mom, I still have a small body and look so young. They even ask me for proof. Some even ask Baby, ‘’wapi mom, ‘’ and only when she points at me, do they believe. I would advise young girls not to be as naïve and ignorant as I was. Motherhood is such an amazing journey; every day is an adventure you just have to trust in God and he will guide you through it.
This marks the end of the motherhood stories series. These are actually stories of real women, shared from me in a first person perspective to make it more personal. I hope the stories touche a heart or more. It was great appreciating mothers.