Dodu Nims

The world as seen by Nimo!

A Cheater’s Confession

It was Friday evening, my girlfriends and I were catching up, seated at the balcony. Watching people come from work as we drink.We were talking about men, we love men and the drama that comes with men.

“ Has anyone of you ever cheated? Why would someone cheat?” I genuinely asked, I needed a heated up conversation, and when the drinks roll in honesty becomes essential.

“Me, me, me! I want this one,” it was Ann, she was on her forth glass of wine, she had started earlier than everyone else, she was the host.

“ Wow, you sound excited, go ahead Hun, its no competition though,” I mocked.

“Once upon a time, “ she cleared her throat smiling, her eyes were lit up in excitement, “I dated this guy, let’s name him Evan.

“What do you like about me,” I asked him one day after a rather average love making session.

“Aah, I don’t know,” he said without even a glance, he was already scrolling on twitter.

“ We had been dating for a year and he had no idea why he liked me. I had no idea why I was dating him , or why I was resting my head on his bare chest as he bluntly ignored me. I begged for an answer, and after about what seemed like a lifetime, he said he loved my cooking. My cooking!” she paused slowly as she looked at us as if to ensure we were listening.

“ So what? he loved your cooking, that’s good right?” Aisha barged in.

“ No, not at all, to me cooking is like a basic skill, it feels like pretty much anyone, once given the chance and taught how to cook can make a decent meal. I fell in love with cooking when I was a child, as we played Kalongolongo, and mixed soil and leaves and pretended that it was real food. I built a cordial relationship with it because that is what society expected of me to do.

I needed him to tell me something else, because honestly it felt like the only reason we were still together was because of my cooking, and the other perks like occasional sex. At that point I wasn´t even sure he liked me, I needed a reason to stay.”

I could now see her lips pout, she looked frustrated, “ Why do guys make such a fuss, about a girl cooking,” she sipped her wine in a pause, as if she expected us to chime in, we did not, she was on a roll, no one wanted to interrupt her.

“For the year I had been dating him, all his male friends always asked if I could cook.Wow, they would say, you are so boujee. Can you cook with those nails? they unapologetically asked.”

She is a great cook, he would always jump into the conversation, with a huge smile, it was as if he had won the lottery, yet at that moment as I was counting his heart beats, laying on his chest, he had nothing, else to verbalise.

“Did him complimenting you mean that much to you?” I asked.

“Yes, at the time it was, I was going through so much at the time, I needed validation, he never complimented me any more. Our relationship had gotten to the point where I had to beg for everything, including sex. Ever since I became a commoner, visiting him weekly, at least two nights a week. Mr. Evans had stopped trying. Everything became so routine . the romance faded as fast as it came followed by the positive compliments and then the little dates we used to arrange.”

“Was, he broke?” Aisha asked as she sipped her vodka. She is the group’s financial adviser, she has a way with money, she knows her way around the stock market, but then again she can never date a broke man, I repeat never.

“No,” Ann continued, “he was just rigid, he had fallen in love with our routine more than he was willing to try out new things. He was boring, he loved things the way the were, work during the weekdays, Friday beer with his guys and the rest of the weekend indoors with me. It was getting too routine for me, it seemed like I was always pushing for more.”

“Did you tell him you were bored?” Aisha asked.

Ann, gave her a look, the kind of look that makes you regret asking a question.

“What?” I interceded “ we are all wondering.”

“Yes I did, that was the root of the pushing, are you guys not paying attention?” she asked in a frustrated voice as she looked at each of us.

“We are,” we all responded in accord

“The guy could not even wipe eye boogers, from my eyes. I remember walking with him one day with an unwashed face and eyes full of boogers, it was the butcher man who pointed it out. In my opinion, he should not have let me walk twenty minutes looking like a clown. You people know how much my appearance matters to me,”she shrugged.

We all nod silently, I look at her face, she’s wearing make up in her own house, just because she was hosting us. I wonder how the guy succeeded to get her out of the house with an unwashed face.

“Haha…. “ she chuckles, “ Do you remember how mother’s used to wipe eye boogers or dried mucus from our faces when we were kids. Boom! You´ d see your mom spit in her finger and in a flush you feel her wet finger in your eyelid. Hahaha,” she laughs hysterically now, we all join in. We had all been victims.

This was the universal sign of love from mothers back then, besides the endless ass whooping.

“I never mentioned this, I met this guy on tinder……”

“Oh I remember this guy, you dated for like a year in college,” Aisha remarked.

“Took you long enough, I knew I had told you this story,” she smirked.

“Well in my defence you have dated a number of guys, I forget sometimes.”

“ How rude, anyway, Tinder, I swiped right, his profile picture was of the game park, his bio was impressive. I was curious to see him. I found it intriguing that he did not have a picture of himself. I thought he was probably ugly or an extremely hot person who did not want judgement for his looks,I know,” she rolls her eyes, “ I still have faith in humanity.

After scrolling his IG I realised what the problem was, he was not appealing to look at, everything else about him was amazing but I could tell he had been regularly judged for his face. And like the broken person I was, I went for him.”

“ Wait, You still went out with him, even though you did not like his looks?” Aisha surprisingly asked.

“I did, I thought he had more to offer than just looks, plus his body was fiiiine, you do know God compensates for such misfortunes sometimes. We had our first date in Karura, a nice little picnic, he had bought lots of food from Java. A salad, some burgers and fries and deserts, a man after my heart, you know my deal with food.

He claimed he did not know what I would have liked so he went all out. I was impressed, we went for a nice long walk after that just talking and giggling, you know how first dates are. I was so happy, he did not try anything fishy, he was easy to talk to, he was just the perfect gentleman, minus his face.”

“Was it really that ugly?” I asked, I was shivering, the sun was disappearing.

“Yes I have receipts,” she said scrolling on her phone, “look,”she points it out at us.

“ I mean, he does not seem like the boys you parade around, but his face is not so bad, he is like a five if you go to some parts of the country, you’ll find worse.” Aisha commented genuinely.

I saw the picture, I can promise you, he was not so appealing, but since I am a Christian, I will say we are all made in the image and likeness of God.

“ You girls all know that I I love to play. Two instances I got scolded and called disgusting by him. The first was farting while his face was deep inside the duvet, the second was when I asked if period sex was an option. Have you ever been called out for your weird behaviour when you were just trying to be fun? It hurts. It was not the only time he ridiculed me by the way, he called me out for my stomach, my tire rolls on my back. Six months into the dating, body shaming was a common thing. I stopped showering with him because he would always find something wrong with my body.

I did not understand why he was always scorning me, he was ugly, I never called him ugly. I massaged his ego, I called him handsome, even though I did not believe it. He started becoming more confident, I could see his eyes light up every time I called him handsome. I was working so hard to build his confidence he was working so hard to diminish mine.”

Her voice was rattling, she was about to start crying, then all of a sudden she remembered her wine and finished it in one gulp.

“More wine anyone,“ she said standing up, I wanted to hug her, she disappeared into the kitchen, coming back with the whole wine bottle and kikoi’s for us.

“Thanks,” Aisha and I both remarked, we were quiet, I was quiet because Ann was the most vocal person I knew, I wanted to know why she would stay in such a relationship.

She goes back inside and brings a mosquito coil, “Sorry I know it stinks, but the view is amazing, we have to ward off the mosquitoes,” we all look at the view, the sun was still setting, the traffic was building up.

“Where was I,” she sighs, sitting down, “I stayed because I have faith in people, I thought he would change once he got past his issues. But things only got worse, sex became rare and I got to a point where I would just go to his place for the comfort of a house, he had a nice house, I was in college, I would go partying with my friends, and I would go crash at his place. Our relationship became like a walking skeleton, I stopped pushing, we would always drink too much when we were together, it was like we were colleagues. He got me to cook for him, I got a place to crush whenever I wanted.

Eventually as the the self respecting woman that I am, I started giving him hints of leaving, every time I said we needed to talk, he would drastically become prince charming. We would go out, we would talk more and have regular mind blowing sex. He would remind me why we first started dating, and I would fall back into his trap. Eventually it became apparent that he did not want to lose me, but was also not willing to permanently change, or atleast try.I felt like I could not leave and neither could I stay.

Huh…one day, I was so determined to end it, his ugly ass cried for about an hour begging me not to leave. I stayed out of pity. I still went out to clubs and parties with you Aisha and the girls, I met someone. I started dating him our first date was in Naivasha, classic, we had sex, (the first time I cheated). The good thing about Evans was that he was not possessive, he let me go anywhere I wanted as long as he knew I would be back.

I cheated, so many times, I lost count, I know it sounds bad, but he never wanted to let me go and I had needs both sexual and emotional. The other guy took me out, complimented me and we had a good sexual chemistry, only that we were not dating, no questions were asked. And Evans was my couch potato boyfriend. I was a happy woman I was flourishing as a cheating conniving individual.”

“Yeeey,” Aisha said high fiving Ann, the vodka was announcing its presence.

“Not yeeey, my heart was slowly melting, I was changing as a person, I was getting worse, I felt more alone than ever, ironic. I cried and lashed out at the smallest things ever. I was only happy when I was in the company of these two guys, but by myself I felt incomplete, my concious would haunt me, but I would shove it back inside, I drunk and smoked too much at the time.

“So what happened, what finally lead you to leaving him?” I asked deeply concerned now.

“Money. It was the reason I left, I told you Evans was not broke. He was stingy though. Very stingy.The first day I came from his place, he offered to pay my fair. I quickly declined declined because well, I have my own money. Aaah Good, he responded I do not like giving girls my money.I knew that this will be a future issue, I brushed it off. Fast forward to 12 months later and I had invested in my business that tanked. I had no liquid money, I asked him for a loan, just 2K to keep me afloat for a week, he bluntly refused.

Do not get me wrong, I had every intention to pay him back, but I was really struggling to make ends meet at the time. Not that he did not have money, I saw all the notes that flipped in his wallet that morning when we went to buy bread and milk, but he said no. I begged, I promised to pay him back but he still said no. Instead he asked me to stay with him as long as I wanted, until I got out of my funk. I just needed 2k, an hour later I called a friend and she sent me the money.

At that point it hit me, why was I with a guy who did not have my back? he would probably leave me rotting in a police cell due to his stinginess. It was like my cloud was lifted, I started reasoning. I was not happy, I had turned into a cheating girlfriend, I had become an occasional alcoholic and for what? All I wanted was for him to love himself, for him to love me back eventually. He claimed he loved me, but he never showed it. Half of the time he diminished my light, I had lost myself in the relationship.”

“ That morning as I laid my edges, and as he got dressed for work, I told him I cheated on him. I told him I wanted to leave him. He crashed, he cried, I did my my make up as he begged me to stay. Let me paint this scene more clearly for you,” she said lifting her half empty wine glass.

Ann: Darling I have been cheating on you consistently for the last four months {laying her edges}

Evans: What? {stops applying his nivea roll on}

Ann: Yes I think its only just if we break up. This is not working.

Evans: No, please no, I forgive you for the cheating please don’t end things {walking towards Ann]

Ann: {looking at herself in the mirror} Are you crazy? I just told you I cheated. Are my edges well laid Darling.

Evans: Please let’s not end, I’ll change, I forgive you babe please {hugging her tightly, traces of tears in his eyes}

Ann: No I don’t need you to change, I am just telling you this is over.{ pushing him off and dabbing her foundation on the back of her palm}

Evans: Please don’t leave me {kneeling while grabbing her leg}

Ann: Will you stop the crying, you will get late for work. We can talk about this later.

Evans: { Stands up, rubs off the tears, hugs her tightly} I love you so much, please don’t leave me.

“ He came to pick me up from school that day,he bought me those gift baskets with chocolates, wine etc. He apologised profusely that night. He even booked us an all inclusive night at Pride Inn. I felt loved again. I never apologised again for my cheating, clean slate he said, for the both of us. He was pulling his tricks again, just like he always did, he was charming we were happy and once again in love.

That morning I hugged him goodbye, a long goodbye. I wished that we would never have crossed paths, I wished that I had never swiped right. I wished that I had never met him. I smiled at him, the kind of smile that does not reach the eyes. I went to school, he went to work thinking that we were all good.

I blocked him, I blocked him on every possible app, he tried calling me with different numbers, I changed my number. I moved from the hostel I stayed, I wanted a clean slate, just not with him. I missed him so much when I decided to cut him loose, he came to school asking for me a couple of times. This one time I stayed in school till nine because he would not leave the school premises. I hid in the toilet girls, the stinky washrooms. I hoped he would get the message.

Took him three months of stalking me and my friends, constantly calling my friends, Aisha do you remember, he called you twice, you told me about it, I told you it was those promotion people, it was him. He finally gave up, or finally got someone else who swiped right. I pray for him sometimes I pray that he finds someone who loves his couch potato, soul diminishing spirit. Clearly I still have some rage. But most of the rage is for myself I do not know why it took me so long to finally leave him.”

“ So, yeah,” she sighs, “it feels good to finally talk about it, I cheated, do you think cheating is always black and white now?” she asks looking at me.

“Clearly not, I respond, not to justify your actions, but did you ever stop to think he was crazy?” I ask.

“Doesn’t everyone have a little bit of crazy, his crazy only showed up in his insecurities and only made him an uglier person. You guys have got to go home now,” she says.

I look at my watch, its only seven thirty, then I look at her for an explanation.

“Dan is coming, I do not want him to get you guys here, he’ll feel uncomfortable,” they had been going steady for three months now, she had not introduced him to us.

“When will we meet him?” Aisha and I both ask as she pulls us from our chairs.

“Soon,” she says, “when we pass the six months mark, now go go!”

“You are such a bad host,” I say hugging her goodbye, “goodnight honey.”

“Goodnight,” Aisha shouts, she is already out of the door, she is tipsy.

“I hope Dan is not crazy too, but at least he’s pretty,” I shout as I help Aisha down the stairs.

Thank you for reading feel free to leave your comments down below, subscribe and share. Sorry I’ve been gone a while. If you have a story feel free to email me.Have a lovely week!

Follow and like me 🙂 :

2 comments on “A Cheater’s Confession

  1. I love your stories. And how you tell your stories. I hope people can no longer have a one minded look at cheating… Because at the end of the day, we’re human beings. With emotions. With needs. With mistakes. With brokenness… And we all deserve some type of love.

Leave a comment:

%d bloggers like this: